28 Merch Items that Would Be Great For Mother’s Day (if you want your ass kicked)

 

Spend two minutes browsing the interwebs and you'll realize there is myriad good, bad and just plain awful band merch out there just waiting for you to spend your hard earned cash on and treat your main lady like a queen this weekend.

From Wavve weed grinders to Rammstein dildos, Pharrell 'Qream' liqueur to Grimes' lady-part jewellery, we've complied a list of some of the weirdest and wonderful band merch we've ever come across… just in time to freak out mom on Mother's Day this Sunday.

 

1. AC/DC wine

Because nothing celebrates a rock 'n' roll mom quite like a full bodied Shiraz.

 

2. Pharrell cream liqueur

Pharrell apparently created this “to celebrate the beautiful, independent and sophisticated women of today” – perfect for the most important woman in your life.

 

3. Alice Cooper mascara

If mom's crappy old eye makeup doesn't make her look like enough of a panda for her liking, then liberate her eyes with the original shock rocker's very own brand of unisex mascara.
:: Watch our full Alice Cooper concert
 

4. Black Flag coffee mug

Has mom been complaining that her coffee just isn't quite punk enough? Well then kick start her day with a cup of Joe from her very own Black Flag coffee mug, and unleash her inner Keith Morris!
:: Watch our interview with Keith and the guys in OFF!
:: Watch our full OFF! concert
 

5. Dr.Dre fridge magnets

Why limit mom's refrigerator magnets to spelling out "pick up milk please", when it could spell "I'm a muthafu*kin gangsta penguin" instead?

 

6. The Flaming Lips' gummy skull

Never ones to do things by the book, the psychedelic rockers released four songs on a USB drive buried inside a life-sized gummy skull that you had to eat first in order to receive your musical treat. Perfect for all the sweet-toothed mothers out there!

 

7.  Ghost B.C dildo and butt plug set

The Swedish metallers' limited edition “Phallos Mortuus Ritual Box Set” would make a lovely gift for mom this weekend or any time for that matter… and there is currently 15% off any order in the US webstore from now till May 11 at Midnight PST with the code MOM666.

 

8. Rammstein dildo kit

See above. This one is for those moms who really, really love Rammstein!

 

9.  GWAR bbq sauce

Does your mom consider herself a culinary genius? According to the band, GWAR-B-Q is mostly made out of the blood of really hot chicks, but as guitar player Balsac explains, "it's ultimately worth it because this sauce is absolutely delicious".
::See our GWAR photos here

 

10. Iron Maiden brew

You could call it a shitty excuse for selling out and cashing in, but apparently Bruce Dickinson is a real ale enthusiast and it's pretty good brew. Perfect for enjoying a few tipples with mom this weekend.

 

11. Justin Bieber piñata

What mom wouldn't love to hit Bieber with a large stick, and get piles of delicious candy for their trouble? Result? We think so!

 

12. The Killers toothbrush

Keep your mom safe from the spread of oral disease thanks to The Killers! Now if only they would release some matching brain floss that would erase bad music from our memories.

 

13. KISS (and Hello Kitty) loo roll

If mom thought Kiss were the shit back in their heyday, she ain't seen nothing yet.

 

14. Mastodon bikini

Now mom can rock out that ass…todon!

 

15. Metallica g-string

We wonder if Lars owns a pair?

 

16. Metallica lunchbox

Enter SandWICHman!

 

17. Metallica Monopoly

Perfect for a little quality time with the family after Sunday brunch: ‘You’ve landed on Napster. Lose 200 songs and go directly to court!’

 

18. Misfit slippers

What punk rock mom wouldn't want a pair of these fluffy babies?

 

19. Mr Scruff tea

When Mr Scruff isn't DJ-ing, there is nothing he likes more than to tuck into a cheeky cup of tea. And now mom can too!
 

20. Nickleback underpants

Calling all only-children: continue your reign by giving mom some of the best contraception ever invented!

 

21. Marky Ramone pasta sauce

I wanna be marinated…

 

22. Sex Pistols perfume

We interviewed John Lydon earlier last year. Pretty sure he wasn’t wearing this, but that doesn't mean mom can't!
:: Watch our interview with John Lydon

 

23. Wutang sweater

More 36 stitches than 36 chambers, but equally naff and simultaneously awesome enough for any mom out there.

 

24. Weezer snuggie

If you want to destroy my snuggie, pull this thread as I walk away! Perfect for keeping mom warm on the couch at home.

 

25. Wavves weed grinder

Is your mom a bit of a loose cannon? As we know from their interview, Wavves love to party so this piece of merch comes as no surprise. Weedwave anyone?
:: Watch our interview with Wavves

 

26. Slayer sneakers

We gotta admit it, these kicks are pretty cool, so pick some up for yourself while you're at it. Now we just want to know would they keep your toes dry if it was Raining Blood?

 

27. Slayer Christmas sweater

Or should that be Sleigh-er?

 

28. Grimes pussy rings

Grimes' fans couldn't wait to get their hand's on her 'pussy ring' collection when it was released. Now you just have to decide what vulva colour defines your mom: black, white, or fluorescent pink?

 

Artists in this post

About Wavves

Wavves is an American surf rock band based in San Diego, California. They unleashed their fourth album, Afraid Of Heights, to a traveling Mexican wave of fans and critics throwing their arms up in the air across the world. Bigger and brasher than ever before, the duo’s surf slash indie-rock sound echoes through their latest

About Alice Cooper

The original and the best Shock Rocker, Alice Cooper was scaring audiences back when Marilyn Manson was still pulling limbs off his Barbies. A thrilling collision of heavy-riffing rock and ghoulish theatre, his Sydney visit came hot on the heels of his latest album ‘Welcome 2 My Nightmare’ and Moshcam was there to record this

About OFF

You know the names and pedigrees. Keith Morris (Black Flag, Circle Jerks), Dimitri Coats (Burning Brides), Steven McDonald (Redd Kross) and Mario Rubalcaba (Hot Snakes/Earthless/Rocket From The Crypt) are OFF! They are the force and spirit of L.A. punk circa ’78 resuscitated, reconstituted and re-imagined for a similarly uncertain age. The band released their debut

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